My sister in law once observed that I joke around alot to avoid sharing what I really thought or felt about important things in my life. At the time, I agreed with her, but continued to build my wall because I was dealing with some pretty hurtful and negative things in my life, and who wants to be vulnerable and make more hurt possible? Almost five years later, I still remember that conversation. So many things have changed in my life since that day. Things got worse, but then they got better. Much, much better in a way that can only ever be attributed to God loving me even when I thought I was worthless. I am still not completely open; I need to know you awhile before I can believe that you do not have an ulterior motive. But I would like to think I am more honest about who I am. If you asked me a personal question, I would not hesitate to answer. Realizing that Jesus is the reason for every good thing in my life has made me want to share the miracles He has performed for me. His love is limitless, perfect, and without a string attached. He wants you to love Him, too. He wants every person in this world to know Him, trust Him, and ultimately, spend eternity with Him. It’s a tough choice; it is so hard to believe in what you cant see. But I guarantee you, once you choose to take that leap of faith, once you truly seek Him, He will give you the sight you need. Your eyes will be opened to an incredible world you could never have imagined. It’s just a shadow of what will be when this earth is gone, but it is the most beautiful thing here now.
The past few weeks have been incredibly crazy for me. I have failed daily in loving my friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors. Today was no exception, but in church this morning, I was reminded that God STILL loves me. He hasnt given up on changing my life. I am so grateful for another day to strive to honor Him in everything that I do. I have another chance to share the love that Jesus has for me with other people. He has given me so much, and I want nothing more than to give it all back. I am truly blessed.
I want to be thankful every day, but this week especially, I want to remember how much I have. Today, I am thankful for a younger brother who encourages me to call him often (“Literally, Stina, bug me every day in case I am free to talk!”)so that he wont forget to call me back, a second job so that I am able to meet financial goals I have set for myself, an awesome church that teaches the Word of God and truly seeks to honor Him, friends I love who call me to share exciting news, an incredible room mate who surprises me with an apartment decorated for Christmas (seriously, the best feeling in the world is opening the door after a long day, and seeing a lit Christmas tree in your living room), time spent catching up with an old friend who I normally only see every six months or so, a car that runs well in spite of me forgetting to change the oil when its needed, an opportunity to catch up with friends I have lost touch with, time to actually go to the grocery store to buy toothpaste after spending the past week squeezing the last vestiges out of the old tube, and finally, a relaxing dinner eaten at my dining room table for the first time in almost a month! Yes, it was at 10:45 pm, and yes, I was practically asleep halfway through, but after four non-stop weeks, I’ll take it!